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My boyfriend is broke

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I make k and he makes 60k. His salary is not a problem for me because I understand that not everyone is interested in working in tech, and his salary is at the top of the market for his field and he has a degree already. What bothers me is that he spends all his money on crappy luxuries: just last year he bought a 50k BMW. I know I could pay for him, but it feels weird. What do you think? Main menu Contents Want to see the real deal?

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: My Boyfriend Is Always Broke... What Should I Do?!?

‘My Broke Boyfriend Wants Us to Live Together!’

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Dear Polly,. My ex made a lot of money, but everyone around us was stressed out and competitive and kind of a total jerk. I never felt at home. I left that marriage and home and did a year of intense therapy.

I have a job that gives me flexibility and fulfillment, and enough to live on. I made new, kinder friends and reconnected with old ones. I realized how many of my decisions and how much of my self-worth came from those around me and figured out how to stop that.

He makes me feel strong, brave, and capable and that the things about me others wanted me to change are the BEST and most attractive. Our relationship is sweet, passionate, and romantic. He feels profoundly like home. A big part of it is that I just grew up with more money and have a better education than him.

Find career-retraining resources. Get any reliable stream of income while he makes a plan. I really believe if he makes a plan and real decisions, he can get into a much better spot.

But instead he has been hinting at us living together, and trying to reassure me things will get better soon. Emotionally, there are times when the idea of sleeping next to him every night feels amazing. The idea of losing what I created and cutting back on the special things that bring me joy in life makes me feel so sad. If you love someone, you help them. Maybe not by living with them, but by doing more than just listening, biting my tongue, and offering to help with planning or job searches or the like.

But what do I do? Do I stick around and see what happens? Tell him to get any job if he wants us to consider living together? Run away and join the circus?

How can I trust anything I feel anyway, because I know I can make some pretty terrible decisions. Dear Afraid,. Do not move in with your boyfriend. No no no no. With his kids and your kids, together? No way. You should also do cheaper stuff that you can both afford, of course. Who wants to work some shitty dead-end job? Not me. The cost of living is obscene. When you have kids? Forget it.

It takes a very particular flavor and strength of denial to live that way. I prefer to live in a fantasy world of my own creation a lot of the time. I hate hassles. See how complicated it gets, leaving the house? Fuck that. What would I do if that happened? Why, I would lie prone and pour gin into my face and wait.

You will slowly attempt to help him pay off HIS debts. He will feel very relaxed and happy and thrilled about all of this, at first. And then he will sit still, like he prefers to, and talk a big game about his big dreams, which is also his thing, and he will do nothing.

And what will happen as your boyfriend sits still in your nice house or his house? It will be just like that, only a million times worse. That is a person who is determined to remain a child forever, whether he recognizes that consciously or not.

But I would never put myself in a situation where someone else was taking care of me, footing the bill, handling my shit for me.

I have to work, and exercise, and cook, and deal with whiny kids. It makes me feel stronger. I get listless and I turn into a shut-in, by default. That person is not only capable of putting off that career forever and ever, that person is also capable of resenting you for your money and your career and your relative power in the relationship.

Your capable nature will make him feel weak. I see this all the time in my letters, no exaggeration. But this is a giant red-flag situation and this story usually ends the same way. Pay attention, because you might find yourself in her shoes. Now if your boyfriend gets a job any job and starts to pay off his debts slowly and figures out some concrete way that the two of you could live modestly together and build your shared and separate savings and invest in a long-term future together, side by side, then that would at least be worth considering for half a second.

My guess is that ignoring reality is his thing. He digs it. Many, many people are like this. They like the idea of big dreams and big schemes and career moves that are more like lottery tickets that might pay off big or might just add up to nothing at all. They like patents and amazing ideas for businesses and they like killer screenplays. They talk a lot about how long they can last on unemployment. They think work is overrated. Lots of people do it. Are you into ignoring reality, too?

Ask yourself if you are. Pay closer attention to the ways you like disappearing into your own little fantasy world. We all do it. Are you letting your money and your comfortable life define you a little bit now?

You can love this man from the comfort of your separate homes. His life will not improve if you support him. His life will most certainly get worse. He might dump you over it. That will be a sign. His next girlfriend might have some money, too. That will be another sign. If he freaks out, he is trying to make you adopt him, essentially.

And if you say everything you need to say about him getting his shit together, and then he freaks out and then, a few weeks later, he buys you an engagement ring? SAY NO. Do not feel guilty. Be kind to him, but be firm. Letting him live with you or marry you right now is not kindness. It will fuck up his life just as much as it fucks up yours. All letters to askpolly nymag. Already a subscriber? Log in or link your magazine subscription. Account Profile. Sign Out. Tags: advice ask polly self relationships real estate More.

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My boyfriend is broke... advice?

Jan 3, pm By Gabrielle Noel. But no. We should be happy with someone who only has a few bucks to his name. And if we do expect a guy to be financially stable — not rich — that makes us gold diggers. This is blacheartbeat!

Yes, we are imperfect creatures, yes, it is maybe a bit hypocritical, but it is human. So before I continue to spoil the question and the answer! And he grew up essentially on a hippie commune, so for him, this lifestyle has always been the norm and the expectation.

Dear Polly,. My ex made a lot of money, but everyone around us was stressed out and competitive and kind of a total jerk. I never felt at home. I left that marriage and home and did a year of intense therapy. I have a job that gives me flexibility and fulfillment, and enough to live on.

Start Here

I make my living flying around the world, talking to women about how to take control of their money so they can afford their dream life. But after six months of dating heaven, you discover a problem — his financial situation sucks. His checking account is constantly overdrawn, his five-figure credit card debt is accruing interest at an alarming rate, and his retirement account is a whopping zero dollars. I could see it being an issue if they were lazy and making no effort to earn money, yet expected financial help. But I doubt an attitude like that would come without other serious character flaws. That kind of negligent attitude would surely be reflected in other areas of their life. So I guess, yeah, I would dump someone because of money, amongst other issues.

‘I’m going broke trying to keep us afloat’

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over three years; we're both in our mids. We're in love, we're pretty much best friends, and we both see this relationship moving toward marriage. But there is a thorn. Months ago, we moved into a one-bedroom apartment we'd been living together before, but with roommates. The apartment is expensive and has put a financial strain on both of us.

Picture a single, cash-strapped brother in your mind. He could be a full-time student living off of financial aid, a recent grad who is underemployed at a low paying gig, or a man who is simply between jobs and currently searching for work.

This page includes analysis of our favorite cards from The Simple Dollar's advertisers and the marketplace. Visit our advertiser disclosure to learn more. Financial arguments are some of the most difficult for couples to overcome, according to recent research from Kansas State University.

What being dumped over money taught me about love

When my then-boyfriend ended our relationship, I never expected him to say it was because I was too poor. There are many reasons he could have given for breaking up: The spark was gone. He was no longer attracted to me. My habit of singing Muppet songs in the shower is indisputably weird.

I believe in splitting costs during the early stages of a relationship and not combining bank accounts until you get married. I love my partner and the relationship we have, and having a guy who paid for everything would make me super uncomfortable as well. The problem is that from a financial standpoint, his industry choice sucks. Freelance work is not a guarantee, and he can go for weeks or even months without a solid paycheck. The inconsistency is the toughest because even when he has some in the bank and wants to treat me, we both know he might need that money for the next lull in work.

Seven Signs Your Boyfriend Is Bad With Money


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Comments: 3
  1. Meztisar

    Certainly, certainly.

  2. Kazizilkree

    Should you tell you on a false way.

  3. Goltijinn

    I am sorry, that has interfered... I understand this question. It is possible to discuss.

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